Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Which would you choose?



I should be working on my first draft, instead I keep pressing the Stumble! button in my browser, which probably betrays how I got this image. I feel torn between these two doors; I want both. I notice the spot or stain on the back of the young child's gown and wonder what was gone through to get to such a monumental choice. How the child's body seems to be pointed toward 'dream' yet the face points toward 'reality' seems to point toward this indecision. I can see the child choosing a door on a whim and regretting it years later. Yet, I also see the child standing there frozen in indecision for eternity, pulled tight between two forces beyond control.

In many ways I am like the child. I like both worlds and I wish that there was a way to traverse the unique world behind both doors at the same time; dwelling in the dreams filling my mind with wonders; and feeling the embrace of a loved one, having conversations deep into the night, and being able to share laughter with a friend. Just as I feel liberated by living through these dreams, reality has a way of allowing us to relieve that tension by being able to share it with someone else. To reference LZH's most previous post: in reality we can connect to others, find similarities that would never exist if we didn't find them.

But I am still sitting here, draft unwritten still looking to the doors wanting answers. I wish I could break down both doors before making the choice between one or the other. I feel like I have done a disservice to the dream door, but that is its nature; potentiality- it is beyond knowing, while reality provides a comfort.

Perhaps I will choose a door someday, perhaps sometime I won't be paralyzed by the choice, but as for now I think I will turn away from these doors and explore this black and white tiled room, surely it will have more interesting things to capture my attention than two closed doors screaming with promise and certainty.
-Dustin

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