Malice in the Palace

So, for my GS 301 project I'm directing the play at my old grade school. I help out every year but I've never been fully in charge of it. This year we're doing "Malice in the Palace" which is basically the story of Esther but a funny musical version of it. Last year we did "The Rockslinger and His Greatest Hit" aka David and Goliath and I can't remember what we did for the two years prior to that.
Anyway, this year I have a dilemma. I'm headed to Geneva in a few minutes to have a meeting with the teacher who was my teacher. She's wicked awesome and we have a lot of fun together. We're getting a pizza and assigning roles, solos, and talking about when we're going to start practice and blocking and stuff. It's gonna be fun stuff.
My dilemma is, the last time we talked we discussed the possibilities of who should be who and I only have three girls. Two 8th graders and a 3rd grader. One will be Esther, the other a narrator and the other one will be just one of the chorus people, the local population. Anyway, so we need a queen Vashti which shouldn't be hard since she only has to scream 'No!' after being told she needs to come to the palace and then she gets banned.
However, we also need Haman's wife. Since we don't have enough girls for it Nicole - the teacher - thinks that I should step in which is fine because I like acting and when I'm up there I get them really into it by being really dramatic and using voices and stuff but this role is just going to be awkward. First off, I'd be married to one of my 6th graders and he's really short so I'd have to play her on my knees, and secondly, the lines we say to each other are just plain creepy. No one should call anyone their 'persian peanut' or their 'precious kumquat' and they should definitely not call anyone their 'succulent fig!' Seriously?!
So, I'm off to the meeting now. Maybe I'll be able to pawn off the role to somebody else. Wish me luck!
- CK