Disease

The hurt has been welling up inside of me. A wound shut prematurely, covered with a quick Band-Aid, never allowed time to breathe. Now there is an infection, oozing with green puss. It has contaminated my thoughts and has seeped into my bloodstream. It is getting worse.

Is there a way to solve this problem, numb the pain? Some say amputation is the answer. Gangrene may set in, making removal the only option. But is there a better way? A way that will save the limb, do away with the disease safely, with no casualty? Why is it that the removal sounds less agonizing than the hard work it would take to save the extremity?

Another option I have heard is be vulnerable to the other person, tell them your feelings and concerns and you can fix it together, because you both care! It sounds good on paper, but has my newfound pessimism made me skeptical?

Am I the problem? Could I be more diligent, forgiving and understanding? A doctor cannot act alone; usually a whole team of doctors and nurses tends to a patient’s needs. Grey’s Anatomy would not be a hit if Dr. Grey flew solo.

There are many questions, symptoms, but no solution. For now, I sit waiting, hoping that I will not have to make a choice, that things will resolve without me having to do anything at all; by some medical miracle, the infection will go away.

Reality will soon awaken me to realize that cancer untreated usually does not go away. It will grow, infect and take up residence until it has done its damage.

Limbs are lost, body parts removed, scorned by life’s disappointments and let downs. It is a surprise that when we die, assuming we die at a ripe old age, there is any of us left to bury.


RW