Friday
Rushed out of Eng 328 to get home before my great-aunt, Ruby, passed away. I couldn’t bring myself to going into her hospital room because I want to remember her how I saw her at Christmas. Something I may regret later, but right now, I feel like it was an okay decision. I sat with the family who hadn’t slept in a week and was tired of crying throughout the week when I hadn’t started crying until the drive home from Seward when it became somewhat real. The hospice nurse sat down with us at the hospital and told Ruby’s daughters what would happen with hospice care. My Mom and I went to leave the hospital. As I hit the button “down” for the elevator the doors opened from both sides as they wheeled Ruby in from the other side. The sight I didn’t want to see, I saw vaguely.

Saturday
Ruby passed away at 1:45 a.m. with her daughter’s at her side. It’s a blessing, but hard at the same time. Hard in words that I can’t really describe. When my mom told me, I was okay with it. Ruby had a strong faith in God… and football . I was able to laugh at the time she scolded me at Christmas for not always watching a football game when it was on TV. I was able to think about how much of a die-hard Husker fan she was. She had a stuffed Herbie Husker that would sit and watch the games with her. If Nebraska was losing, Herbie would face the wall. That night I went out with a friend of mine as though nothing had happened because she lost her dad to cancer in November. Went to Pizza Hut and talked about life and the new normal that her family is discovering. It felt as though the whole weekend revolved around the talk of death.

Sunday
It’s starting to hit and definitely hit with my Grandma today. My brother came home for lunch, which was good; I hadn’t seen him since Christmas, which isn’t a long time for some people, but it is for me. They were going into see the family tonight, which I wish I could go, but I can’t and I’m accepting that it’s okay.

~LAB